have we tried angel yet

and i just needed someone to blame to keep me out of going crazy
someone whose existence was quite tangible, and perhaps a little lonely
sitting restless, holding my breath, childish distress and not knowing what's best
someone to stab over and over again all through the end of winter
for i had knives and anger, i had rage and sabres, i had wrath, and boxcutters
but no one to kill to solve them problems

it's all too far, it's all too blurry, it's so distant, i couldn't even find a me
a self able to withstand the downpour of tragedies (i didn't have)
a g.od to pray to when all this nonsense enwrapped me (i didn't have)
so i just needed someone to blame, to blame, to hell and back, to blame

because it's too hard being up against an ingrained system
it's just too hard being beat down by the world, even in flames
and it's harder witnessing them patterns 'round how you're raised
it's just harder when i can't fistfight them to have you saved
though if you'd look at me, you'd see i've got an angel in my eyes
whose cries ring true and fearful through all they childhood lies
though if you were hearing me for real, you'd know i've been out of job
desperately grabbing at hands and falling short, painting a daub

again too far, again too blurry, and too distant, death and no mercy for me
a hard-wired self that's only made for tragedies (indeed it was)
a divine mistake that's unable to kill itself (indeed it was)
so i just needed someone to blame, to blame, to hell and back, to blame

oh why can i not save you, sweet child, why can i not save even just you
i fail at persecution, at being a demon, to hide the true sin within my ability
you slip slowly, like the world 'round me i can't hold with my two hands, i knew
but i still try among the hate to stand still in your vicinity

and if i fail at it all, please kill me